Amazing Grace

I woke up this morning, and couldn't fall back asleep, so I rolled out of bed, sat in front of the computer and out of nowhere a feeling of nausea swept over me. Yuck! Jumped back in bed, tossed and turned, got up, made toast and grits, now I'm a little better. I thought first pregnancy... morning sickness, second pregnancy... no morning sickness. I've been imagining James playing with a little brother, maybe sharing a bedroom a few years down the road. I will just rest in the fact that God knows what He's doing. All better!
I've had the Chris Tomlin "Amazing Grace" stuck in my head since yesterday. The lyrics in the song are so beautiful. Here is what's playing in my head:
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see
T'was grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone, I've been set free
My God my Savior, has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing Grace
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, who called me hear below
Will be forever mine.
You are forever mine.

I treasure this song, and while I can't exactly describe how it makes me feel, I can tell you that the grace and love of God has convinced me of His love. A few weeks back, I was speaking to someone who didn't share the same beliefs as I. Instead of saying grace, she said mercy. That made me wonder just what the difference was between the two words. They mean about the same thing. People use them all of the time and they seem interchangable. Then, one day last week, I was reading something that defined them. Grace is the forgiveness of the sin. Mercy says that there is no punishment. There not the same after all. Grace changed me. The love is what changed me. I've known most of my life to run from the wooden spoon, or "daddy's belt". I ran from the punishment. My thoughts were "I'm in trouble, time to hide." If they never found me, I escaped punishment. That's kind of how I think about mercy. I got away. Then grace came along. Wow! I'm forgiven. I have received the "ultimate" love. Let me tell you, it feels good to be forgiven. Now, knowing the grace that saved me, and the mercy that's been shown, I just want to share it with someone who doesn't know.

So tell me, do you know about Grace?

Beautiful Love

Here I am, pregnant again. Why on earth do I have to be so emotional? Granted I understand it's hormones, but every single pregnancy. I love a good cry, don't get me wrong, but if they are sad cries...
I gave away my dog, Oreo, to an older gentleman. He brought her to his home, and the landlord said he couldn't keep her. He took her to a "friends of animals organization" and she was transferred back to Portland. I've been getting phone calls from the humane society to see if I lost my dog. So I recollect the story. I hung up the phone crying, I'll never see her again. That makes me wonder if "All dogs go to heaven." She is a very sweet dog, and I shared a lot of good times with her on walks or just laying in the hammock in the backyard. I miss her so much right now, but I'm so glad that the humane society will find her a good home.
Tony, James, and I went on a walk to the video story and then up to Dutch Brothers. We ran into Kevin and Janet from church and Kevin overheard Tony talking about me being pregnant at work. I told them yes, and I'ld probably announce it at church tonight. We left the video store and Tony asked me if I was sure I was pregnant. Ok, yes it's a little hard to believe... I'm not showing, and we haven't been to our first o.b. abbointment yet. I remember what pregancy feels like, and I've got all of the symptoms plus a positive pregnancy test. But I don't need to prove anything to anyone just yet. The only reason I even announced this pregnancy so early is because I didn't want to hide anything because of the fear of a miscarriage. I would rather have people praying and petitioning the ever so faithful Jesus Christ for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. This made me think about my miscarriage. My baby's days were numbered before the baby was ever conceived. God's ways are so different from my own, but I have total faith that they are much greater than mine. So my baby who's with our Heavenly Father that I miscarried 3 years ago, September 9 is well taken care of. What's even greater, I'll see him/her. What a beautiful reunion. I can say I held you in my tummy for 11 weeks, but in my heart forever. God is amazing. I love you, Lord!

Rely on Jesus (He does it all!)

I've been blogging all day in my head, wishing I had paper and pen. I thought about the footsteps poem, which I always liked knowing that during the hard times Jesus carried me. Then I had this reallization, now that I know what this walk with Him is, that some of the time I just need to let myself be carried. When there is something that I want to do or say, sometimes it's best when nothing is done at all. It's been a lesson, (I'm still learning) when to shut my mouth. When the words flowing from my tongue, are not the right words for the moment. I had another lesson like that at 10 am and then again this evening. Will I ever get it? Oh, I'm sure I will, but in His timing. Is there anything I can do to make it happen quicker? Well every living thing needs time to grow.
It was a rough day. Tony and I were having a great morning together, and then all of a sudden a touchy issue came up, and my feelings were hurt. Those stupid feelings. I can't trust 'em. That ruined about 1-2 hours. I've been trying to live a life that is pleasing to Jesus. I feel like I fail most of the time. Could it be that my efforts, in and of myself, are incomplete? That would make a lot of sense. I see a need to begin my day with prayer and end my day with gratitude. I hope the Lord will help me seek Him. I know that my days are hard without Him. I bet my days would run like a well oiled machine if I asked for His guidance with my daily problems.
I've been reading this book called "Creative Correction" that I checked out at the library. It's got some really godly ideas for teaching children right from wrong. I'll probably buy the book so that I can have my own reference for tough times in training. I've been more anxious than I ought to when I think about James growing up. I'm so worried that he will act like I did. I don't want him to be disrespectful, and I don't want him to grow up in fear. He already will have a better start than I did, hopefully, if he will gain an interest in AWANA or in Sunday school, or if he asks Jesus to be his Lord and Savior early on. Well, time to slip back to bed and pray for a good nights sleep.
Night, night everyone.

My Own Path

I've been reading a book that is called "Recovering Catholics: What to do when religion comes between you and God". It's bringing one of my inner battles full circle. The battle has a lot to do with religion, not necessarily catholicism, actually all of them. The title alone should have done it for me, but now more than halfway through the book, I get it. Trust Him, it's all God! So anyways my own path to Heaven is being straightened. Everyone is on a different path, hopefully with the same destination. If you have any questions, ask someone like Jesus. He's got all of the answers... not me.

Why has this been such a hard lesson to learn?