Be Yourself

So if you knew me before I knew Jesus, you've got to be thinking that I am positively nuts... ok, and if not then I'm thinking it. You know what "to front" means, right? Well, that's what I did up until the point God loved me enough to be myself. There aren't that many people who are loved like that, obviously. Where did the idea to not act like yourself become a reaction to a stimulus? I love my husband dearly, so why does he feel the need to act for me? It's all one big act, or at least it feels that way. Tony, be yourself. I love you always, and we're not in a game... we're in a marriage. You want me to lose some? Ok, it won't be that hard. I will lose everyday if it means that you will be yourself. You have nothing to live up to, nothing to prove. Baby, be real for me. Do you even know that you're acting or has the deceiver been telling you that is who you are? That is not who you are, Tigger. I fell in love with your heart of gold. What happened to my Tony.
I was driving the day before yesterday, and had this thought that who we were, who we are, and who we will be are never the same. It's like Rudy said, if we stop learning then we're no good. I don't even want to fathom what life would be like if nothing had changed in my life. There's the song "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers", but when will they sing about "some of God's greatest gifts are the worst".
I loved that video on God tube. Wasn't it absolutely beautiful? Well, I think I've spoken my mind, and hopefully I'll get a good nights sleep.
Sweet Dreams Friends!

He is always my God

I just jumped out of bed! I have to write this, but I don't know why. I should be sleeping. It's 2am and I'm ready for sleeping pills or something to get me back on a normal sleeping schedule. Jesus has been on my mind, and something inside forced me to get up and write it out. I thought about pride. I'm ready to see big changes in myself. The thing that stuck out in my thoughts was, "How many times in the new testament did I see Jesus flex his muscles?" It's a little tricky. Did He ever actually flex them... no. Did He show His power... yes. Being totally humble about who He is. I was laying in bed a few nights ago, and I thought about being a god. Mind you, I know that I'm not, nor do I want to be. People these days put so much importance on how great they are, maybe not claiming to be like gods, but their actions speak louder than their words. The men and women I'm thinking about want to be important. I'm speaking to myself here so I guess this is for me. Feels good to get it out in writing. Back to the subject... so they want to be gods, and then boom tragedy happens. All of a sudden we go looking for someone bigger for comfort, or maybe we should but we don't because of pride. The bigger in this case would be someone we can trust, someone who is faithful, someone who can make real miracles happen. Someone who sees the end and waits patiently knowing that "it is good." Here we are, struggling to make a name for ourselves. Wanting to make sure that we are heard, and you know what, we are.

Matthew 28: 18-20

18Then Jesus came near and said to them, All authority has been given to me in heaven and on earth. 19Go, therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember I am with you always to the end of the age."

Amazing Grace

I woke up this morning, and couldn't fall back asleep, so I rolled out of bed, sat in front of the computer and out of nowhere a feeling of nausea swept over me. Yuck! Jumped back in bed, tossed and turned, got up, made toast and grits, now I'm a little better. I thought first pregnancy... morning sickness, second pregnancy... no morning sickness. I've been imagining James playing with a little brother, maybe sharing a bedroom a few years down the road. I will just rest in the fact that God knows what He's doing. All better!
I've had the Chris Tomlin "Amazing Grace" stuck in my head since yesterday. The lyrics in the song are so beautiful. Here is what's playing in my head:
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see
T'was grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone, I've been set free
My God my Savior, has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing Grace
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, who called me hear below
Will be forever mine.
You are forever mine.

I treasure this song, and while I can't exactly describe how it makes me feel, I can tell you that the grace and love of God has convinced me of His love. A few weeks back, I was speaking to someone who didn't share the same beliefs as I. Instead of saying grace, she said mercy. That made me wonder just what the difference was between the two words. They mean about the same thing. People use them all of the time and they seem interchangable. Then, one day last week, I was reading something that defined them. Grace is the forgiveness of the sin. Mercy says that there is no punishment. There not the same after all. Grace changed me. The love is what changed me. I've known most of my life to run from the wooden spoon, or "daddy's belt". I ran from the punishment. My thoughts were "I'm in trouble, time to hide." If they never found me, I escaped punishment. That's kind of how I think about mercy. I got away. Then grace came along. Wow! I'm forgiven. I have received the "ultimate" love. Let me tell you, it feels good to be forgiven. Now, knowing the grace that saved me, and the mercy that's been shown, I just want to share it with someone who doesn't know.

So tell me, do you know about Grace?

Beautiful Love

Here I am, pregnant again. Why on earth do I have to be so emotional? Granted I understand it's hormones, but every single pregnancy. I love a good cry, don't get me wrong, but if they are sad cries...
I gave away my dog, Oreo, to an older gentleman. He brought her to his home, and the landlord said he couldn't keep her. He took her to a "friends of animals organization" and she was transferred back to Portland. I've been getting phone calls from the humane society to see if I lost my dog. So I recollect the story. I hung up the phone crying, I'll never see her again. That makes me wonder if "All dogs go to heaven." She is a very sweet dog, and I shared a lot of good times with her on walks or just laying in the hammock in the backyard. I miss her so much right now, but I'm so glad that the humane society will find her a good home.
Tony, James, and I went on a walk to the video story and then up to Dutch Brothers. We ran into Kevin and Janet from church and Kevin overheard Tony talking about me being pregnant at work. I told them yes, and I'ld probably announce it at church tonight. We left the video store and Tony asked me if I was sure I was pregnant. Ok, yes it's a little hard to believe... I'm not showing, and we haven't been to our first o.b. abbointment yet. I remember what pregancy feels like, and I've got all of the symptoms plus a positive pregnancy test. But I don't need to prove anything to anyone just yet. The only reason I even announced this pregnancy so early is because I didn't want to hide anything because of the fear of a miscarriage. I would rather have people praying and petitioning the ever so faithful Jesus Christ for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. This made me think about my miscarriage. My baby's days were numbered before the baby was ever conceived. God's ways are so different from my own, but I have total faith that they are much greater than mine. So my baby who's with our Heavenly Father that I miscarried 3 years ago, September 9 is well taken care of. What's even greater, I'll see him/her. What a beautiful reunion. I can say I held you in my tummy for 11 weeks, but in my heart forever. God is amazing. I love you, Lord!

Rely on Jesus (He does it all!)

I've been blogging all day in my head, wishing I had paper and pen. I thought about the footsteps poem, which I always liked knowing that during the hard times Jesus carried me. Then I had this reallization, now that I know what this walk with Him is, that some of the time I just need to let myself be carried. When there is something that I want to do or say, sometimes it's best when nothing is done at all. It's been a lesson, (I'm still learning) when to shut my mouth. When the words flowing from my tongue, are not the right words for the moment. I had another lesson like that at 10 am and then again this evening. Will I ever get it? Oh, I'm sure I will, but in His timing. Is there anything I can do to make it happen quicker? Well every living thing needs time to grow.
It was a rough day. Tony and I were having a great morning together, and then all of a sudden a touchy issue came up, and my feelings were hurt. Those stupid feelings. I can't trust 'em. That ruined about 1-2 hours. I've been trying to live a life that is pleasing to Jesus. I feel like I fail most of the time. Could it be that my efforts, in and of myself, are incomplete? That would make a lot of sense. I see a need to begin my day with prayer and end my day with gratitude. I hope the Lord will help me seek Him. I know that my days are hard without Him. I bet my days would run like a well oiled machine if I asked for His guidance with my daily problems.
I've been reading this book called "Creative Correction" that I checked out at the library. It's got some really godly ideas for teaching children right from wrong. I'll probably buy the book so that I can have my own reference for tough times in training. I've been more anxious than I ought to when I think about James growing up. I'm so worried that he will act like I did. I don't want him to be disrespectful, and I don't want him to grow up in fear. He already will have a better start than I did, hopefully, if he will gain an interest in AWANA or in Sunday school, or if he asks Jesus to be his Lord and Savior early on. Well, time to slip back to bed and pray for a good nights sleep.
Night, night everyone.

My Own Path

I've been reading a book that is called "Recovering Catholics: What to do when religion comes between you and God". It's bringing one of my inner battles full circle. The battle has a lot to do with religion, not necessarily catholicism, actually all of them. The title alone should have done it for me, but now more than halfway through the book, I get it. Trust Him, it's all God! So anyways my own path to Heaven is being straightened. Everyone is on a different path, hopefully with the same destination. If you have any questions, ask someone like Jesus. He's got all of the answers... not me.

Why has this been such a hard lesson to learn?

Training of the Spirit

I feel like I'm getting ready for training, physically and spiritually. I've been thinking about
Hebrews 12:1-17 (The Message):
1Do you see what this means--all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running--and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. 2Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed--that exhilarating finish in and with God--he could put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. 3When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!
4In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through--all that bloodshed! 5So don't feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?
My dear child, don't shrug off God's discipline,
but don't be crushed by it either.
6It's the child he loves that he disciplines;
the child he embraces, he also corrects.
7God is educating you; that's why you must never drop out. He's treating you as dear children. This trouble you're in isn't punishment; it's training, 8the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? 9We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? 10While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best. 11At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.
12So don't sit around on your hands! No more dragging your feet! 13Clear the path for long-distance runners so no one will trip and fall, so no one will step in a hole and sprain an ankle. Help each other out. And run for it!
14Work at getting along with each other and with God. Otherwise you'll never get so much as a glimpse of God. 15Make sure no one gets left out of God's generosity. Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time. 16Watch out for the Esau syndrome: trading away God's lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite. 17You well know how Esau later regretted that impulsive act and wanted God's blessing--but by then it was too late, tears or no tears.

I welcome this godly training. Here I am, Lord. Show me Your ways. You know when you go by construction sites in stores or restaurants and the sign says "Excuse the mess, we're renovating", just picture me with the shirt that says the same and the "we" I'm referring to is God and me.

Goodbyes Really Aren't Forever

My neighbor's Bethany, Benjamin and their son Grayson moved away. They packed all day yesterday, and cleaned everything this morning. They just left 30 minutes ago. I had no idea how much this would affect me emotionally. I cried most of last evening, and I started crying again when I came inside from seeing them off. I called my friend Fabi, to tell her how much I was hurting. I don't really understand. I've been saying goodbye for so long now, you would think that I was used to it. I guess the lesson to be learned is that goodbyes don't get easier with experience. I was explaining, or trying to, mid-wail, that she was not allowed to move away from me. I have a very hard time with it. This makes me long for heaven that much more. Where there will be no more death and He will wipe away every tear.
I love Him more than anything that this world can offer. He loves me more than that.

His Tool

I layed in bed last night thinking about writing, but decided not to get up, just fall asleep. I hope that it wasn't God calling. I have been in a battle with my friend and her anxiety. I'm trying not to get sucked in. I'm trying to pull her out. It is an exhausting tug of war, but "I am able to do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Let me mention, that I am not doing any work. I honestly have nothing to boast about of myself. We start talking about Jesus and I will boast and show the pride I have as being His servant.
I was thinking about being His tool last night, before drifting off to sleep. I concluded that I'm not a hammer, wrench, or screwdriver. Those tools didn't seem to fit what I do. I am the needle and these words are the thread. When the work is done and the project complete, God's work is beautiful. Notice that I didn't say I'm a seamstress. God is putting the stitches in the fabric exactly where He wants them. I am His tool. He is making His pattern. How great to be His needle. I guess that it would be the same to say that I am His pen, but I like the needle analogy a bit more.
God is amazing. I've been thinking about some songs that help me with my story. If you have any to add, please send me a message with the song's title.

Praise Jesus!

I went and visited my friend at her house today. Her husband is out of town working. She said that she went home that night, and talked to her husband. He turned off the radio to listen to her. Praise You Lord Jesus! Keep praying for them, it works! She said that he usually just turns the radio up when she talks to him. God is amazing, like grace! Wow! Last week they were headed for divorce, and while they were on the phone he said, "I love you." She said, "I love you too!" Remember what I said about God softening hearts? Proof in action!
Agape!

Marital Problems

A close friend of mine is going through some marital problems. She has been dealing with the hurt for quite some time. I've been petitioning her to join me at church, but she's always had something else come up. She didn't have a thing come up tonight, so she made it. I called Pastor Pete and told him part of her story. She needs prayer. We sat in the front row, my favorite spot, clapping, singing, and dancing. When the music stopped, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "I feel like I'm losing my best friend." I put my hand on her knee and cried with her. I cried out to Jesus and asked for His comfort. Pastor Eric was preaching tonight, it's so nice to hear his sermons. He's extremely enthusiastic. A few of the youth, gave their testimony about Wild Horse Camp, why and how they accepted His invitation to join the family. They had incredible stories. After church, Pastor Pete approached us and invited us into his office where it is a little quieter. I tried to round up some prayer warriors, and got the best one, Kathy. We listened to my friend speak of her pain with her husband, and then prayed over her, her marriage, and her child. On the way home, she said that Pastor Eric was talking about her again. LoL! No, actually friend he was talking about all of us.

We are in a battle for our husbands, and we can't let the devil have a foothold. Take care of your man, he's worth it. God loves it when His plan works.
So do I Lord, so do I!

Crowd Follower to Follower of Christ

I was just washing the dishes, I do my best thinking here, when I thought about speaking to Shelli at church. She reminds me of my confirmation sponsor from 8th grade. (*Note* confirmation is a catholic thing: hook, line, and sinker.) Shelli said that she never did the confirmation, because she didn't feel it was for her.
This got me thinkin'. I don't know if it was for me, I was just following the crowd. I've always followed the crowd. My first 19 years, I didn't hang out with the unpopular crowd, because the popular ones didn't approve. This was so incredibly stupid, but I wouldn't reallize this until my adult years. Anywho, I've followed lots of crowds, never sticking to a certain one, but being friends with as many people who would accept me, for acting like they did. I was friends with the "wanna-be-hippies", the preps, the smart people, the smokers, and the "wanna-be-thugs". I never had a certain taste for any of these groups, but they accepted me for being fake. I bet they knew I was a fraud. Wow, I was a fraud! I'ld never be able to admit that before.
Now, I don't have to follow a crowd, because Nathalie has an identity. I have been transformed from the crowd follower to a follower of Christ!
Hallelujah!
Agape,
Nathalie

This is a brief blog, mainly because I can't hold a thought for more than a second. I try my hardest to make it coherent.

Agape Love

Just writing to let you know, that I still think about what to say to someone who believes in God, but chooses to not walk with Him. Grace is extended to you every single day when you walk. The deal that we've been made is so unbelievable. Jesus tells us that we are unable to be perfect without Him. Look at yourself, your life. It's hard, but I'm saying a special prayer that your heart is softened. We make the decision at some point that we have to be goody two shoes in order for Him to love us. Good luck with that! He tells us to come to Him all who are weary and He will give us rest. The love is limitless, and it's called AGAPE. Agape (ah-gah-pey) is 1. the love of God or Christ for humankind 2. the love of Christians for other persons, corresponding to the love of God for humankind 3. unselfish love of one person for another without sexual implications; brotherly love 4. love feast. So what we see Christianity as when we're growing up or uniformed, is not the case. The reason I want to share the good news of the bible is because it is excellent, splendid, fantastic, and unimaginable. All of a sudden we're not forced to live up to a perfect model. We will be free, indeed. As always check out myspace.com/mylordsprincess to learn about inviting Christ into your heart.
Luke 15:7 "I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."
Go ahead, give those angels something to rejoice about!
If you accepted His invitation, please send me a message so I can pray for your walk and praise Jesus for allowing His message to land on good soil. I have faith that it will.
In Agape,
Nat

God's Mission Possible

I don't know Wapato. Am I the only one experiencing a sleepless night. That was unexpected news. Where were the flashing red lights? The light went from green to red. While Pastor Eric was giving the announcement, in my head I just heard myself saying, "I'm behind you." Only I'm still waiting for the shock to wear off. 7-7-07... I thought for some reason that there would be only good surprises. This is not. I will pray for the strength of Pete and Amy. I do hope that Wapato will find a new pastor, but only because I will worry about the Rusaw's. I was also laying in bed wondering about my mission in my home as mother and homemaker. Why doesn't it seem to work for me. Then it hit me. I need to spend way more time in my home. I need to make sure that everything is running smoothly. My marriage needs to be number one. God has placed me here to help my Tony. My son needs to be as important. There are so many things that I've failed to teach him. My home has to be clean, meals need to be fixed, and order must be found. Here's what I have to do: Stop going places with my friends. Stop the myspace insanity. It is a very small thing to ask of me, but take into consideration that I am a very social person. I feel like this is where God wants to work in me. In order for me to be able to help others, I have to be able to help my family first. If my house is not clean when my husband gets home from work, then we have disagreements. James needs to be on a schedule. I need to be on a schedule. My yard needs more work, my chores need more work. The laundry is dirty. The sink is always filled with dishes. I am in need of FlyLady. I live in CHAOS (FlyLady's term) Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. I'll let you know how it goes in one month. So goodbye myspace, and goodbye t.v. Hello Christian cleaning music! Hello Flylady!
I want God's will to be done.

Keep In Touch by phone or email (nathalielynn@gmail.com)

My Mission

I don't know Wapato. Am I the only one experiencing a sleepless night. That was unexpected news. Where were the flashing red lights? The light went from green to red. While Pastor Eric was giving the announcement, in my head I just heard myself saying, "I'm behind you." Only I'm still waiting for the shock to wear off. 7-7-07... I thought for some reason that there would be only good surprises. This is not. I will pray for the strength of Pete and Amy. I do hope that Wapato will find a new pastor, but only because I will worry about the Rusaw's.
I was also laying in bed wondering about my mission in my home as mother and homemaker. Why doesn't it seem to work for me. Then it hit me. I need to spend way more time in my home. I need to make sure that everything is running smoothly. My marriage needs to be number one. God has placed me here to help my Tony. My son needs to be as important. There are so many things that I've failed to teach him. My home has to be clean, meals need to be fixed, and order must be found. Here's what I have to do:
Stop going places with my friends.
Stop the myspace insanity.
It is a very small thing to ask of me, but I am a very social person. I feel like this is where God wants to change me. In order for me to be able to help others, I have to be able to help my family first. If my house is not clean when my husband gets home from work, then we have disagreements. James needs to be on a schedule. I need to be on a schedule. My yard needs more work, my chores need more work. The laundry is dirty. The sink is always filled with dishes. I am in need of FlyLady. I live in CHAOS (flylady's term) Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. I'll let you know how it goes in one month. So goodbye myspace, and goodbye tv. Hello Christian cleaning music! Hello Flylady!
I want God's will to be done. Even when it means that things won't go the way I wanted or planned.

Puttied

I don't know what I'm writing, but I can almost guarantee that it's not my message. I was laying in bed thinking about our bible study this afternoon, and something was said about Matthew 18:19, 20. (19"Again, I assure you: If two of you on earth agree about any matter that you pray for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven. 20For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there among them.")
I've read this before this study, and I could clearly see that Jesus is talking about Christian men and His will. Someone else made me feel like what I've been praying for, may not happen. Why? Why would they even suggest that it may not happen? I have a hope that will not fail in Jesus. My hope is Jesus. If Jesus tells me that if two or more agree on any matter and pray for it, it will be granted, then I'm going to keep on believing that if myself and someone else pray for salvation for my family, it will surely be granted. I know about the "free will" issue. What if the family members I'm praying about, have their hearts softened like "butta on a hot July day" (that's the correct spelling of southun slang.) They receive the message at the appropriate moment, and accept the forgiveness that only comes from Jesus Christ. Then what if? That means there is still hope, and that "maybes" are big words. It's still God's will for no one to perish, but for all to come to repentance. So it's totally up to Him, not me. Thankyou Lord!
God has the power to soften. Don't dare Him, He might just melt your heart.

I Hate the Word "Death"

So tonight I watched "Dead Man Walking". It's a movie about a man on death row and the nun who gave him a chance. Without telling you how it ends, I can't help but write about it. With Mila passing away, I start to see just how short life is. I will live forever! What a bold statement to make, huh? Only I'm not the bold One, Jesus Christ is the only one who deserves the glory. Back to the movie, Sister is trying to save this man. She's telling him over and over that he must reconcile himself to receive eternal life. I sat there thinking, if she's having a hard time with someone on death row, I can't possibly expect to have it any easier. Please pray for more time to reach the dying. My idea here is that I don't deserve eternal life, neither does anyone else... but if I'm gonna get it, I need to tell everyone I meet about the hope that is in Jesus Christ. You don't understand though. I never knew how hard it was to be a Christian, but the "perks" are amazing... like grace. I'll pray for you to seek knowledge from Him. He's the only one who gives the good stuff. I love you so very much, whether you know it or not.

I'm Gonna Let My Light Shine

So at first, I was astounded. Oh so excited to get to know Him, the most amazing Man I've ever known. I am astounded by His love and grace. I could do anything... nothing would be too hard. This is life. Nothing promised, but tomorrow, either here or with Him. Absolutely nothing is wrong with the sound of that. I would hear about people losing loved ones, sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, babies, neighbors, friends, grandparents, aunts, uncles. I seem to have forgotten what it's like to lose someone. I know that no one lives forever here. We have to pass from death to life. We are in the valley of the shadow, everyday. Those who have not given their lives to Him, who choose their religion over a relationship with Him, don't know. I was thinking how do you explain this... and the hardest part is, that I can't. I want to say, "Look, you're not dead yet! Start living a life with Him. Experience real freedom. Know what it means to have eternal life and live forever. Stop living for this valley of the shadow. God did not create you to live and die... He wants you to LIVE!!!" Alas, they don't want to listen to me. No one wants to listen to me, when I talk about exactly what I've been saved from. Where I stand when I'm asking for help. Who I talk to when the world doesn't want to talk to me. I will never be able to imagine the things that Jesus endured and how He must have felt, dying for a world that did not want His forgiveness. I know people personally, who say that they will suffer the punishment on their own. Please pray for them. I got to talk to my mother this morning on the phone, and we were talking about death. She has always said that she wants to die before her children. I was saying that I will die when my time here is up, and Jesus is calling me home. I have a hope in Him, that will not fail. It's hard to type this, but I want you to trust Him, even with your children's lives. That was difficult to think, let alone type. Yes, trust God with your babies. He loves them more than you. He loves you more than you. God is Love. I reminded mom that my baby that miscarried is up there and Jill told me what a great babysitter He is. You can trust Him, even if He wants them in our Heavenly Home.
I hear about this little girl and her mother through myspace last month. The little girl's name is Mila and her mother is Andi. Mila's life has been fading over the past nine months due to a terminal brainstem glioma astrocytoma tumor. (myspace.com/andiwuvsmila) Now she is finally with Jesus. Please pray for this mommy to keep her strength after her mourning has passed.
There is this song by Brad Paisley on the radio that sums up how I feel about going home to be with Jesus and meeting those who passed before me:
When I get where I'm going
on the far side of the sky.
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly.

I'm gonna land beside a lion,
and run my fingers through his mane.
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

(Chorus:)
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here.

I'm gonna walk with my granddaddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck.

(Chorus)

So much pain and so much darkness,
in this world we stumble through.
All these questions, I can't answer,
so much work to do.

But when I get where I'm going,
and I see my Maker's face.
I'll stand forever in the light,
of His amazing grace.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
Hallelujah!
I will love and have no fear.
When I get where I'm going.
Yeah when I get where I'm going.

Hold your babies tight and tell them all about our Savior who seeks their heart so that He can hold us in His arms again for eternity.

Waiting For That Day

Vacation or Visitation?

We're in Alabama, and we've been here for almost 3 days. I feel just as tired as the day I got here. What does a vacation consist of? I pray that the Spirit will lead me in my writing.
I've spent a great deal of time with my family, in-laws, Erica, but somewhere I missed something. The schedule of events was never written. I had hoped to have talked to quite a few people by now. When I'm talking with someone, Jesus' name gets brought up somewhere in the conversation, but because of their personal convictions, the conversation is abruptly ended.
I came home from playing cards, namely Phase 10 with Erica just a while ago to find an email from Wapato. Jesus knows what I need all of the time. Pastor Pete reminded me of Truth and Grace. I think that I'm giving both, but the number of atoms in each is not mixed correctly. Maybe my next visit I'll have the formula worked perfectly. I hope that somewhere in my sleep the Truth and Grace will combine to make the Love of Him, so delicious that the conversations will continue and invitations will be accepted.
Make my words more like Yours, Lord!

A Letter for You

Hey,
I've been thinking about you. I don't know how much you know about me anymore. It's been so long since we've actually sat down and talked. I wanted to tell you about this incredible relationship that I've found. You might know Him, but in case you don't, I wanted to tell you how much He has changed my life. When I confessed Him as my savior almost 4 years ago, I was in bad shape. My life was far from that of a Christian. Even far from that of a Catholic, and you and I both know how lenient Catholics are. Still after I accepted Him as my Savior, I still wasn't living the life of a Christian. He was still very much my Savior, but I was not acting like I was saved. After I miscarried in 2004, I started pondering everything in my life, and Jesus found me, broken. I started a bible study that has forever changed my life, and I didn't have to lift a finger. I learned that the only One capable of such a change is Jesus Christ. I've seen His glory. I'm humbled by Him all of the time, and I've never been so in love. I don't know where you are in your beliefs, but the invitation to ask me questions is always open. I know Him, and more importanly He knows me. Would you ever believe that I was chosen, before I was born? I was. I have a very simple question for you, and I don't require your answer, but I want you to put some thought into it. Do you want to know Jesus Christ, who is the ultimate giver of freedom, live in His grace, grow in His vineyard, be perfected by His sacrifice? Want to know something else that's cool? The bible is actually a love letter to you. (Mission Impossible music plays in the background) This mission should you choose to accept it is to read the bible (your version of choice) because it was written to you.
I'm praying for you.

Love,

Nat

Outrageous Liars

I saw a piece of the video of Cho Seung-Hui. Why would a person think such an asinine thought. I'm sure you are aware of Satan. Do you know how Jesus describes Satan in the bible?
John 8:44- "You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies."
Satan starts telling us small lies... and we believe them. I know, because I hear them all the time. Praise Jesus, that I have the truth. The knowledge of Jesus Christ and of saving grace has rescued me. I want you to know this, so that you might try to escape his trap. It is deadly... it will kill. Look at this person... He even had the audacity to say that he died like Jesus Christ. That was a huge lie from Satan. I only want to warn you, because I know that light dispels the darkness. If these words have even convinced one of you... then the words, like the law, have served their purpose. I pray that you will accept the One, True Savior, Jesus Christ. John 14:6- Jesus told him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Hebrews 3:15-
Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.

Saved or Enslaved

Do you know what I was just thinking? I was contemplating how we think that we must straighten up our lives to accept forgiveness from God. The things that you know who, from you know where, whispers in our ears:
God could never forgive me for...
I'll never be good enough for...
How long will I spend in purgatory for... (note there is no purgatory)
Let us eat and drink for tomorrow we die.
I wonder where these lies came from (see previous post).
Romans 5:6-11 - 6For while we were still helpless, at the appointed moment, Christ died for the ungodly. 7For rarely will someone die for a just person -- though for a good person perhaps someone might even dare to die. 8But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us! 9Much more then, since we have now been declared righteous by His blood, we will be saved through Him from wrath. 10For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, [then how] much more, having been reconciled, will we be saved by His life! 11And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
I remember a time when I was young. I wondered why God would make me, and then give me all of these rules to follow. It wasn't fair. I couldn't keep these rules. Guess it's a good thing that I go to a catholic church. I was "christened", reconciled, communing, confirmed, and prayed "Our Father" and "Hail Mary" whenever I sinned.
Still, at the age of 18, I wasn't satisfied with any of those things. Scott and Brandon told me about Jesus Christ, and my journey for Truth began. Please note that two years earlier I was involved in a horrible car accident, which cost me the summer before my senior year. God had been calling my name, but pride kept me from listening. Now, I am free from my sinful life. Before coming to Christ, my only option was sin. Now I have another option.
Bob George says it perfectly, "Becoming a Christian can be likened to a caterpillar being transformed into a butterfly. Although you might not always act like a good "butterfly", you are never going to be a worm again.
On my space, the instructions for receiving Christ and becoming a "butterfly" are located above the "Call on Jesus" video. I think that is a perfect place for it to be.
Thankyou for reading and feel free to copy and paste this message into a new bulletin. Please share the message of freedom in Jesus Christ with friends and family.
Visit realanswers.net if you have questions.

I Didn't Know the Truth

Ok... it's on my heart. It's ok for me to feel this way. Catholicism did me wrong. It kept me from knowing my Savior intimately. As long as I was a Catholic, I was judged. God has told me numerous times that there is no condemnation left for my sins. My sins could never be taken away by the act of confession. Repentance never worked. I couldn't pray my way out no matter how many times I prayed to Mary, the mother of God. She is a great woman, she should be respected, but for no other reason other than because she believed God. My sins were only taken away by the blood of Jesus. He is the One who deserves my praise. Do you get what I'm saying, and I am trying to say this with all of the grace I understand, which may/may not be enough. Lord, I pray that it is. Are you Catholic or some other religion that follows a doctrine not in accord with the bible? Do you experience Jesus Christ living for you? Do you experience His presence? Do you know that once you have Him, He will never leave you? "I once was lost, but now I'm found. Was blind, but now I see." If you are not experiencing any of those things that I questioned above, then I want to humbly ask you to look in the bible. Do not question your religion, because like I've said before Jesus Christ wants a relationship. I don't wish for anyone to feel judged by this. Convicted... well, maybe, but not judged. Jesus said "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life." You want to know how to live, ask the Way. You want to know what's factual, go ask the Truth. You want to know what it means to never die, ask the Life.
Praise you Lord. Thankyou Jesus!!!

My Redeemer Lives

Do you wanna know the truth? Without Jesus Christ in my life, living it for me, telling me where to go, when to stay, when to speak, when to shut my mouth, I am wretched. Why, with the knowledge that I have, turn my back on who I am?
I'll tell you why, because without Jesus, I am a sinner... still in need of a Savior. Every single day, I need my Savior walking with me, telling me what to do. I am an infant on milk. Why haven't I graduated to solid food? It probably has a great deal to do with pride. There are probably other factors in the equation as well. The other factors are the stones in my wall, that Jesus helps me remove. I can't remove them on my own. They are too heavy, or just wedged in to tightly. Jesus is so awesome. Do you know what He told me? He said that He would never leave me, never forsake me. I'll bet that you've never had that kind of love before. No matter what you do, Jesus will not leave you. You've heard the footsteps poem. It is through our hard times when He carries us. I love Him. I can't wait to be with Him. Right now, I don't feel worthy to be in His presence, but you know what He says, "Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." He's gonna hold me in His great arms, and rock me to sleep. I'm sorry, but that is one amazing Love. None greater. Try to compare my wonderful Creator. He is the beginning and the end. Thankyou, Pastor Eric for the reminder. The Alpha and Omega can do everything, because He is everything. Incomparable by my standards.
Today is Easter. You know what I think? I think you should accept His gracious gift of salvation. He wants you to have it. What better day to receive it, than the day set to remember it. I'm praying that you will.

The Passion of my Savior - Hallelujah!!

I don't know what to write. I watched The Passion for the first time last night. My words in my blogs do not say enough for what He took for me on the cross. In fact, watching what happened to Him for my sins, shut my mouth.

"So Nathalie, are you worthy?"
"No, Lord, not by myself. I will try not to judge. I will try not to condemn. I will love others. I had no idea. So, what do I call You? Jesus isn't enough. Can I call you my Lord? Can I call you my Savior? Can I do what You did on the cross just to see You? Lord, I'm sorry, I couldn't. I know that Your love is great. I understand now more than ever. I am so glad that I waited to see it. Your time is perfect. If I had seen it before I loved You like I do, I do not know if it would mean as much. I look forward to being with You. When I see You, I will fall at Your feet and worship You, Lord, for You are worthy. Pick me my Savior! When You need Your feet washed, when You need anything, call on me. I am Your humble servant. I will follow you. I will do what You ask. Call on me! You reign, Lord! ThankYou for making me worthy."

I will still write to You and for You, if that's what You will.

It's a big, big house!

I layed in bed for just a little while last night before falling asleep. I thought about my day, and about the day before. I figured out what my friend was talking about at church on Wednesday night. My love for Jesus is new. In every new relationship there is a period of butterflies in your stomach. Being around your love, sends tingles up your spine. She was saying that it just grows. Not that I would love Jesus any less, but that I would love Him more. That this "courtship" would end. That when the butterfly feeling is over, it doesn't mean that Jesus is gone, just that my love for Him is maturing. I think I get it friend. Thankyou!!!
Yesterday was Maundy Thursday. We had a footwashing service at our home fellowship group.
My good friend Chrissy, humbled herself for me, and I humbled myself for Shelli. I thought "Oh, this will be easy. I'll tell them how great they are and wash their feet." I was mistaken. When I was kneeling before Shelli, I was telling her very true things, I was humbling myself... but I learned I need to be humbled more. I need more practice. I want my life to be lived with humility. That is harder than it sounds.
Lord, if you will, humble me all day long.
Tonight we are watching "The Passion of the Christ". I called Patricia to ask her if she was going. She said she would probably be watching babies. She is such an awesome woman. She told me to bring a towel, for crying. I know I will need one.
I also got to speak to my friend Rachel from Mobile, this afternoon. I want her to have Jesus Christ in her life. Not for my benefit, but for hers. I want her to receive the down payment of the Holy Spirit so that she will understand Jesus and the Word easily. Please accept eternal life. I want to share the experience with you. "Welcome to the Father's House." That's the song I'll sing on the way. I want you to receive Him so that you'll be perfected with me. You will never thirst again.

"The Pursuit of Happiness"

Today was beautiful. I don't even remember what it looked like outside? Was it cloudy? Sunny? Was it raining? Doesn't matter it was beautiful. A friend seemed to be asking me questions... or maybe she was just telling me she was puzzled. I do not have the answers she was looking for, but, oh, how I wish I did. I want to be able to tell everyone that it will be alright. When? Right now? Nothing seems alright. We watched "The Pursuit of Happyness". It had a really good ending. I was crying throughout the whole thing. I was thinking "God please don't take my lifestyle away." I even know that I don't deserve it. What if He did? What if I wake up tomorrow and somewhere over the course of the night, He's decided I don't need it anymore. Then I have to start "practicing what I preach." "Everything will be alright, right now." He's already instructed me to not worry about tomorrow, because today has enough worries of it's own.
I went to my first Wednesday night prayer meeting at Wapato. Just a few of us. We were praying for you... you don't have a name, but we prayed anyway. Lord, what should I be telling people. What if I told them I forgive them 70 x 7? What if... What if I told them that You love them. I'll just start off with basics. Jesus loves you, immeasurably. While I was watching that movie, I kept thinking about the title. In the movie Chris (Will Smith) said something about the pursuit of happiness is just a pursuit. I don't know. I'm happy. I don't feel like it's unattainable. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I do not have the right to be happy. If I am unhappy, I can't sue anyone. I have the right to pursue happiness. How miserable would I be if I never attained happiness?
Praise You Lord! ThankYou for making me who You want. You make me want to be happy, and so I am.
I asked the question in my head tonight, "how great Thou art?" I answered it the same way, "how great Thou art!"
Lord, I want to seek Your face. At the end of every day, Lord, I want to feel like I've spent all day with You. Help me focus, Lord, like my friend.

How great thou art?

Just how great is God? Well, lets start with the beginning. Nothing was happening...anywhere. God created everything we see and even things we don't. From nothing He made things happen. You still want to know how great God is. Ok... He created you and me. Sin was in the world before we were. He knew you were going to sin. He knew the sins that would capture you. He knew you'ld say "yes" when you should have said "no". So what did He do? Well, He made the decision that He couldn't live without you. To be seperated from you, was unbearable. He sent His Son who came in the form of a man to redeem you, to save you from being separated from Him. Did you get all of that? He sent His One and Only Son. Would you send yours? Absolutely not, you say? Well, He didn't say that. Guess what, because of that one decision a long time ago, you are forgiven. Did you hear me? I said forgiven. For everything you did. Want that forgiveness to be apart of your life? Go ahead, take it... it's yours, because of Jesus Christ! Happy Easter!

Then, where did hate come from?

That's what I was thinking about! When I was in bed two nights ago, I layed there thinking about how people act towards me when I speak of Jesus. When I talk about God there usually is no disagreement, but when the name Jesus is brought up, duck! I remembered in the bible when Jesus says that the world hates Him.
John 7:7 "The world cannot hate you, but it hates Me because I testify of it, that its deeds are evil."
John 15:8 "If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you."
For the past few months I have taken great offense, when someone slanders the name of Jesus in my presence. I am really hurt. They are speaking of the lover of my soul. Come on! It feels the same way when someone speaks ill of your mother, father, or child.
Father forgive me for taking offense. Teach me to have compassion for them like You.
I was just thinking about love and hate and how they relate to my Lord and Savior. Jesus loves me. I love Jesus. Jesus wants no one to perish, so Jesus loves people. People hate Jesus. What a heart breaker!!!
Pastor Pete said something tonight that struck a tender spot in me. He showed John 3:16 from a different perspective. The Father told His Son that He loves us so much, He needs Him to give His life for ours. The Son loves us that much, He willingly complies. This glorified God.
I want to honor You with my life. I want to bear the kind of fruit that glorifies Your name. I want You to feel confident enough to use me.
Oh my Savior! "I love you" just doesn't cut it.

That Thing Called Love

What is it about love? The source of love... where does it come from? What makes me love so much. It can't be found in religion. It can only be found in a relationship. Who in their right mind loves religion. How can anyone? If I could have a moment of your time to look at the different religions. The faith is different for every one of them. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Religious_faiths%2C_traditions%2C_and_movements

Now I want to look at how wikipedia defines religion:

A religion is a set of beliefs and practices generally held by a human community, involving adherence to codified beliefs and rituals and study of ancestral or cultural traditions, writings, history, and mythology, as well as personal faith and mystic experience. The term "religion" refers to both the personal practices related to communal faith and to group rituals and communication stemming from shared conviction. All religions present a common quality, the "hallmark of religious thought": the division of the world in two comprehensive domains, one sacred, the other profane. [1] Religion is often described as a communal system for the coherence of belief focusing on a system of thought, unseen being, person, or object, that is considered to be supernatural, sacred, divine, or of the highest truth. Moral codes, practices, values, institutions, tradition, rituals, and scriptures are often traditionally associated with the core belief, and these may have some overlap with concepts in secular philosophy. Religion is also often described as a "way of life".The development of religion has taken many forms in various cultures. "Organized religion" generally refers to an organization of people supporting the exercise of some religion with a prescribed set of beliefs, often taking the form of a legal entity (see religion-supporting organization). Other religions believe in personal revelation and responsibility. "Religion" is sometimes used interchangeably with "faith" or "belief system,"[2] but is more socially defined than that of personal convictions.

Wait, wait, wait... didn't I read in the bible a few weeks ago, that we should not separate ourselves from each other and the common belief in God, the Holy Spirit, and His Son Jesus Christ? If someone claims to be "religious" is this how they describe their beliefs? What has religion done to us? What does it mean to be a Christian? Why do I have all of these questions? Because of religion. God does not want us to "religiously" worship Him. Remember that He wants a relationship with us. God wants to know you, and more importantly He wants to be known by you. Religion "falls short" in almost every category. Would you believe that almost every description of religion in that paragraph, is fallible when compared to the Bible. Don't you try to tell me that our love letter from God, testifies to that description.

I layed in bed last night thinking about what was on my heart. What better place to think about love. Did you know that 1 John 4:10 says, "Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." He loved you and I first. We love Him, and we love others because He has shown us how to love. He is the inventor of it.

In John 10:7-11,
7 So Jesus said to them again, "Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. 8 "All who came before Me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not hear them. 9 "I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. 10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly. 11 "I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep. (courtesy HCSB)

I hope that this will bring you a better understanding of His love for us. I pray that you will answer His call of salvation.
I saw a bumper sticker tonight on a car that said "Freedom isn't free". Yes it is!!!
PRAISE JESUS!

Spirit of Love

My thoughts...
I layed in bed thinking about you. Thinking how I hope that you are not listening to the evil plots, that are being waged against you, because of your faith. It made me think about what you really need to know when you hear things that bring doubt.
I've got my coffee so ...
Remember how I told you that God is love. I want you to be certain of this fact. God loves His children, above all. He loves you so much that He sent His only Son to die for your sins on a cross. No matter what you do, where you go, or what you think, God loves you. It's greater than unconditional love. When you hear things that make you doubt, go back to this fact, God is love. The things that you'll hear, whether from a person, or a thought, say things like:
"How can He love you that much?"
"That's to good to be true."
"You really messed up big this time."
"Will He forgive me for that?"
The list goes on an on and on. When you hear things that bring doubt, stand before the truth, and let God's Spirit judge for you. If it doesn't add up, then you know it's not from God. Now I need to tell you about the Spirit that God gives you when you accept salvation.
In 2 Timothy 1:3-7, Paul is writing to Timothy:

3I thank God, whom I serve with a clear conscience as my forefathers did, when I constantly remember you in my prayers night and day. 4Remembering your tears, I long to see you so that I may be filled with joy, 5clearly recalling your sincere faith that first lived in your grandmother Lois, then in your mother Eunice, and that I am convinced is in you also. 6Therefore, I remind you to keep ablaze the gift of God that is in you through the laying on of my hands. 7For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.

In verse 13-14 Paul reminds him of the power in the Spirit that Timothy has received.

13Hold on to the pattern of sound teaching that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 14Guard, through the Holy Spirit who lives in us, that good thing entrusted to you.
I pray that if you were beginning to fear, that this might bring you a Spirit of sound judgment.

An excerpt from my letter to Rachel

I was reading over this and finally saw how important this is.
"...The thing I love about Jesus, unlike anyone else, He wants me just the way I am: flawed, overweight, brain injured, possessive, prideful, a sinner. Does He want these things changed? Absolutely! Can I change them? Not by myself. You've probably heard about grace. God's grace is a beautiful word. Because of grace I know God, and God knows me. Ephesians 2: 4-10 ((HCSB) Read it slowly:)But God, who is abundant in mercy, because of His great love that He had for us, made us alive with the Messiah even though we were dead in trespasses. By GRACE you are saved! He also raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavens, in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might display the immeasurable riches of His GRACE in [His] kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For by GRACE you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God's gift -- not from works, so that no one can boast. For we are His creation -- created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them. I don't deserve anything, and if God never did another thing for me, He would still be worthy of my praise. Three years ago I was absolutely miserable. I had received Jesus as my savior, but at the time did not know my inheritance. After a miscarriage with the recognition that I had failed another thing, God sent me a bible study called Classic Christianity. God has done it all! It is finished. I will definately be in heaven with Jesus when my days are done. He is perfecting me, and He'll be done when I am with Him.Praise Jesus! If you have not accepted this beautiful gift (wish you could see my facial expressions when I talk about JOY) I invite you. It says "How can a person have God's forgivenes, heaven, and eternal life, and Jesus as personal Savior and Lord? By trusting in Christ and asking Him for forgiveness. Take the step of faith described by another meaning of FAITH: Forsaking All I Trust Him."We pray to Jesus!!!Pray: Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner. I believe You died for my sin and only through faith in Your death and resurrection can I be forgiven. I want to turn from my sin and ask You to come into my life as my Savior and Lord. From this day on, I will follow You by laying my life down and letting you live Your life through me. Thank You, Lord Jesus for rescuing me from this body of death. Amen. John 14:6- Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."Write me back if you just prayed, and I'll explain your inheritance. It is awesome.

The Day is Done

Grace, freedom, and truth. By themselves they are great, but when describing a Man... wow! The more I think about Jesus, the more I feel free to worship Him however I want. Pastor Pete talked about reckless worship a few Sundays ago. I'm not quite reckless, but it's definately a stretch from singing hymns in a catholic church. I want to praise my Savior. Not only did He give His life for mine, He is now living His life through mine. How can He, you ask. Quite easily, when you think about it, but it is a power struggle. When I lay my life at His feet, He's living my life for me. I've been reading a book by Max Lucado called "Traveling Light: Releasing the Burdens You Were Never Intended to Bear." Great reading, if you're interested. I've always tried to lay my worries at His feet, but now that I know that I was never intended to bear them, it's no sweat to let Him. You've probably heard the saying "Let Go. Let God." If you can't bear it, He created us, He loved us, and He called us to freedom. What He says now is shocking! John 8:36- "If the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed." Guess what! You can not be made perfect by the law. What's this crazy talk Nat? If it were possible to be made perfect by the law then Jesus died for nothing. He is awesome! Here is another piece of information. John 3:16- "For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." Jesus desires a relationship with you, more than He wants you to be a good person. We were all made with a desire to be loved. Every single one of us. Guess who loves you recklessly? So much in fact He would rather die for you, than not have you for eternity. Ok... ponder this thought and if you need more I'll see what God has in store for tomorrow night.
Jesus loves me and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, ...
Good night! May Jesus our Lord and Savior grant you a desire for Him, and sweet dreams of eternity.
Nat
Phillipians 1:6- For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Sharing not Shoving

What is my excuse for not sharing God's love with everyone? Some people do it, and it's not a problem. Why can't I? So when I sing to "Take My Life" by Third Day, I am asking Him to "take from me my life" and use it. I'm still waiting on Him to teach me how to love people like He loves them. I have a hard time loving Tony like Jesus loves him, and Tony is my best friend. Trust Jesus. In a short time, I'll be writing a blog about how much I love everyone, and Tony most of all. Why am I submitting myself to be changed? The world wants me to think that I should be proud of who I am. A concern for self has nothing to do with humility. God says He resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Lord, make me humble. I want to shower in Your grace. What a sweet cleansing that would be! Please don't think that I'm shoving Jesus down anyone's throat. Change that thought to "she's sharing the good news of Jesus Christ with me." So this is me... sharing not shoving.

Jesus loves me, this I know.

I stayed up late... trying to get the house clean. When James wakes up in the morning he does not give me a good break. I'm running a load of dishes. I know, hard work. Just kidding. Now I'm thinking, crawl in bed beside Tony, and snooze until 6 am. I started thinking about missing another night of writing and decided I would write something. What will I write. I do not want to feel like I'm shoving Jesus down anyone's throat. He does not want to be shoved down anyone's throat. Why do I do it? Why do I feel the need? Simply because I am experiencing a freedom not of this world. Guess what? I try not to live under the law. Jesus' rules, not mine. He wants me to live by His grace. I want to do that too. I want to share that grace with other people. Guess what Nathalie figured out, people don't see grace, when she's shoving, or trying to shove, Jesus "down their throats". I was thinking, I am a very young Christian. In the world of roses, I am a bud. In the world of bears, I am a cub. In the world of Jesus, I am a toddler. I hope you can see where I'm going with this. I don't have the knowledge to share a lot of details. All I know is that I was a sinner, headed for hell. God chose me to be one of His MANY children, and after a long, losing struggle, I surrendered. If God chose you, or if you feel like you are being called by God, make it easy and submit yourselves to His will. The Creator of everything knows what He's doing.
Thankyou Lord. Praise Jesus! Hope your day is blessed!

Don't Delay

James is sick. It's tonsillitis. He gave it to me. We're supposed to be on antibiotics. I have not taken any, and have not given him any. I never got the prescription filled. Guess we'll start tomorrow.
I got the bathroom painted today. The final selection is Desert Sunrise with sponged on Indian Paint Brush. It looks ok. It has the orange effect. Not bad for my first sponging by myself. Ok... Tony helped me a little. I'll take pictures and post them later.
We had our last bible study in Growing in Grace this evening. It was good. The last thing I wrote was "Amen!" God is so good to me. He's equally good to everyone else. No room for gloating. I have learned so much about Him in the past two years. We've been doing our bible studies for two years now. Learning about my freedom in Christ is amazing. Hence the song "Amazing Grace". Try it if you get the opportunity... you won't be disappointed. There is no room for excuses. NOT because God won't excuse you, but because the excuses that we come up with for avoiding Him, just aren't good enough. He loves us more than we can understand. 1 Corinthians 13 tells what love is if you're interested. By the way, God is love. I don't remember what I said I would write about last night. Probably better off.
Hope everyone is healthy!

A Beautiful Day

I woke up after, um... maybe 12 hours. I have the flu. My whole body is aching right now. Lord, heal me. Please restore my strength.
I still managed to have a good day. I walked up to Roger's Park to meet my friend Patricia. While I waited on her to arrive, I walked over to the swings, and I believe I swung higher than ever before. It could also just be because I've probably never been heavier and the pull of gravity is somewhat greater. While I was swinging, I was thinking about how great it is to be a child of God. Free to let my hair down and swing higher and higher without the fear of someone pointing at the fat girl on the swing. What freedom!!! So I basked in His glory on that swing. Patricia is taking care of a mentally handicapped young man. What an experience I bet that is! He will forever be a child at heart. Always God's beautiful child. My cousin Davey is mentally handicapped. I sure do miss him. I bet that it has been 10 years at least since I have seen him. Back to the young man I was talking about, I introduced myself to him and shook his hand, and he had a hard time stopping. Then he was talking about the bun in my hair. Patricia told him not to touch, but if he had I would not mind. Patricia and I walked around in circles while she kept an eye on him, playing with sticks and things around the great big trees. I love praying with Patricia, because I can feel God when we pray. What an experience!!
Tony and I finished putting the primer on the bathroom walls. I noticed that I was asking for his help less and less. Which is good, but I don't want him to think that I don't need him. It's just that he always complains about having to stop playing his computer game to help. Patricia was telling me to hold on to my man tightly, and not to let Satan's lies steal him away from me. She is so right. Lord, help me give Tony the truth with grace. Soften his heart to receive your words. I pray that all of you will hold on to your men with all of your strength. To have to let them be taken away by the lie of another woman, or the lie of a better life would be dismemberment of your flesh. Remember that. "The two will become one flesh."

Beautiful Savior

Who's been on my mind today? I can only think of Jesus. All of the songs that are sung for Him, all of the prayers that are prayed to Him, all of the things He has changed in my life. I was telling Fabi, I wish I could list all of the things that He has changed in my life. I can't even come up with a number. God is good. I also realized today why the bible calls it a mystery. It can only be revealed by the Holy Spirit. If you can't understand why some of us Christians or "Jesus freaks" (as my husband calls us) do the things we do, and you truly desire to know, then ask the Spirit to reveal it to you.
I do not feel at home in my daily life. I want to be where Jesus is seated at the right hand of the Father wiping His feet with my hair and annointing them with oil. Yet, I also have a strong desire to see my son and my husband start a relationship with our Father in heaven who provides us with EVERYTHING that we will need. If it is better for me to stay, His will be done.
Our God is an awesome God. Where I am, God is. Sin used to follow me around. Where I was, it was. Now that I have been born into the likeness of Christ, God follows me around. Life is good. I am anxiously awaiting my heavenly home.

The Good News

I hope that these thoughts will be coherent enough to understand. It's 2 am, and I love Jesus. The thought of being with Him in heaven is exciting. Saying that, I also want you to know that I will not kill myself to get there. He has changed my life. Just thinking about the changes that He has made, amaze me. Lord you are awesome, amazing, wonderful, beautiful,... I have run across some very sad web sites dedicated to loved ones lost. I've been very gungho for some reason that nothing is hard. What am I thinking? Life can be tragic. First, Jesus doesn't kill people. He may set their time, but He will not take them away from us. He's not selfish. Which I'm sure that some, if not all, of you know. Second, when you fall "asleep" 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 says "13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus." I've heard to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. That's something to get excited about. To be present with Beauty and Love. That is what I want. However, I don't feel that tragedy has ever fallen at my feet so I know that it is so easy for me to say things like that when I'm not missing anyone. I only pray that when I'm forced to say goodbye to someone I dearly love, that I will remember eternity and where they are. Sometimes when we lose people dear to us, God hopes to get our attention, and learn about His grace so that we might share His glory with others who are dealing with tough times. Starting with a near fatal accident in 1998, to the loss of two very good friends, and finally my miscarriage, God was trying to get my attention. He got more than my attention, He won my heart. Let me say that I am reading books on loss so that I can understand the emotions that I might be denying. I hope to write some more on what I'm reading.